Post the holiday season of a former year and the reset to 1 of 365 days of which to make the most.  It’s cold outside though.  I want to sleep in, hibernate.  I don’t want to face the critics making myself accountable for what were the problems created of yesteryear.  My urgency to move forward outweighs this disconnected consciousness though.  Moving forward is the only motion I have before the court of being alive; life.  Something like that.
This is by far the most difficult time of the year to create income for my business and sustain the livelihood that is my adult life.  It could be worse; it could be better.  I’m not one to complain.  I only wish it were an abundance and not so much a want and need.  Truly I want for nothing and my needs are purely interpersonal with great regard to my input as a decent human being who has the capacity to show humility and love.  I know my shortcomings.  That’s a dangerous reality; knowing oneself.  When you can identify your flaws it only makes you stronger.  That is if you do something about it.  I try everyday.
You would think that someone like myself, with so many burnt bridges, could find warmth in the cold outside.  I’m no arsonist though.  Burnt is past tense and I’m all about second chances; letting go of the what was.  I can’t go back and cross those bridges again or even rebuild them.  They are the proverbial scorched path of reckless ego and youth in my face.  Somber to the thought.  I can only take away that which I learned and of what became the better person before you today.  That’s fiery.  Perhaps I am an arsonist.  I do keep close to the flame and ignite the passion of a moment when embraced by what good there is of myself, especially when I really know and feel it inside.  I guess it’s not so cold outside that it be impossible to bare the step forth to foot destiny, whatever that is; wherever that leads.
These are the best years of my life.

Icicles by George Hodan

This post was last modified on January 7, 2014 - learn more.

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