Reminiscing some great memories, listening to R&B from the late nineties (ie. Joe: I wanna know). I always catch myself off guard when I start singing along.
These moments take you back to a time in life when you were different. Looking forward from those memories can be both a great feeling and an emotion of total pain and loss.
Who I am today and all the times I adjusted myself for the better and worse and where it’s led me. The people in my life. The people who will come into my life moving forward. It’s a nice throwback (as “they” call it).
I consider myself generally happy and I love my life. Often it’s me that I have a problem with. Always in the noise of my head, unable to find any quiet. Everyone has a solution but in reality they aren’t in my skin or my head (and they should thank God for that). I’ve learned to deal with it mostly. It isn’t easy either.
As a young person I was always on the move and fitting in wherever I landed was the task. My faculties were my own to be proprietor of. Not an easy task when your self identity, as formed in youth, is rather skewed and missing vital components most grow up with. I’m so thankful my son won’t have that same environment. I’m so blessed he loves me like he does.
I can’t go back and change the past regardless how much I earnestly wish I could sometimes. The hurt caused by my actions. Once again I face a major adjustment of my attitudes. I have a few resentments I also need to release.
I suppose I am ranting but I wanted to say something. Crazy is as crazy does. I believe I will always be crazy but I don’t have to get sloppy with it (ie. drinking…).
I have such a beautiful future. I’m ready to step back on the path, off the shoulder (and ditch often times of recent). I urgently seek for the truth in letting go and letting God. This is a throwback if there ever was one (for me).
Dramatic Sunset Sky by Vera Kratochvil

This post was last modified on June 2, 2013 - learn more.

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