Wow. Life is really hard these last few years. Struggling with sobriety, the loss of my son, family, more failed relationships and broken hearts, very little progress…
Despite these shortfalls I know they are not who I am. These are simply the terms of life as I live. I’ve made poor decisions and become tangled in the web of my own lies, my own problems, and I’ve dragged a few people I love very dearly through the mud, alienating myself on at least one occasion.
I’m suffering. I understand that’s mostly why I’ve messed things so badly. I’m hurting. I haven’t dealt with my issues well. My baggage has squandered the vitality and livelihood. I’ve fallen and fallen again every time I stood. This is a new day and I’m resolved to get out from under these weights. Emotional duress and the struggle to face my opposition. I stand firm against this storm. It will pass soon and I know there is a bright sun just beyond the night that has fallen dark on my soul. My heart still beats.
This song by Deadmau5 always seems to be the right track when I feel like this. But, today it’s different because I’m finally understanding the tools I possess that will relieve the anguish that has been my life since childhood. I’m sober; no drink or marijuana. I’m refrained from the lusts of my flesh that only give birth to reprobate and disturbed mind about sex and intimacy. It’s remission, but what more can I ask for and pursue? So, there is great progress. I am no longer isolated. My environment is one that I thrive in. The weight of my burden is not too much to carry anymore.
Tree Before Storm by Michal Spisak

This post was last modified on June 8, 2015 - learn more.

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