Who knows why one does this or that in the heat of a moment…  I failed to remain calm.  You picked yourself up from being pushed off the bed.  You found relief when the bathroom was vacated and your shower completed in peace.

I didn’t know what I was doing.  I didn’t realize I wasn’t well.

Random exits from the present even when traveling in an automobile in spite of you and myself. I didn’t realize I wasn’t well. My childlike temperament dispelled often but too soon to return and we couldn’t understand each other.

Those things I did that we both know of in secret; this is no way to treat a girl.

I can’t imagine ever having the opportunity to apologize after all these years. I’m not sure it would even be an appropriate endeavor. In taking the first legitimate soul searching moral inventory since I was a teenager, you come to the top of the list.

You were the first person I became close to after leaving Show Me. You were the first to learn my insecurity and feel the heat of my deepest fear. You were first to meet the Hyde of the darkest night in my soul.

It’s regretful and I deeply apologize for the hurt I caused you.

This post was last modified on September 9, 2019 - learn more.

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