Everything’s changing around me
And I want to change too
It’s one thing I know
It ain’t cool being no fool
I feel different today
I don’t know what else to say
But Imma get my shit together
It’s now or never

Every time I hear this song I sing along.  I love it.

WILLINGNESS, HONESTY AND OPEN MINDEDNESS ARE THE ESSENTIALS OF SPRITUAL WELLNESS. BUT THESE ARE INDISPENSABLE.

“There is a principle which is a bar against all informa- tion, which is proof against all arguments and which cannot fail to keep a man in everlasting ignorance– that principle is contempt prior to investigation.” –HERBERT SPENCER

Fear.  Always in my face.  I didn’t realize it wholly and I have yet to come to term with my fears.  The biggest obstacle in getting my shit together has been the fear of rejection.  I never saw it before really.  Things changed so frequently for me as a young person, always moving and meeting new people, trying to fit in.  It had a huge impact on the development of my identity. It didn’t help that I was also challenged with bi-polar ii.
Fear and my survival nature poured into my young adulthood where I passed my GED, got a real job and met a girl.  I didn’t know what the hell I was doing.  I didn’t realize that my fear and a chip on my shoulder would become a total kill buzz.  I thought that once I stopped doing drugs, became a productive member of society, and moved into adulthood with a fresh slate things would be good.  I was beside myself when faced with who I didn’t know I was. The people closest to me, especially my former wife, were beside themself when faced with this person.  In no way do I believe I have anything “wrong” with me.  I have a little more to overcome than average and I don’t hinge on a simple mind.
My spirit is getting stronger and my youth is only a reminder of what was.  I’m learning love, humility, and change.  
When I made the transition to a responsible twenty something I started to taste real life.  I met new people and made new friends.  I had my first real relationship and my second became a marriage.  I learned I was highly capable of learning new things and excelling at all I put my mind to.  Despite pink clouds and a new life, I still had to deal with a childhood of lost opportunity and abandonment.  Romantic relationships that became serious became unhealthy.  I didn’t know how to deal with myself  and when that fear started creeping out the significant other wasn’t prepared.
Rejection perceived is a threat.  Rejection received is death.  Obviously no two people run into relationship conflict where the responsibility lies solely on one party.   Often I have thought that if this or that was different about a person things would work, but that’s not how it works.  When I reject someone or something it’s often out of fear.  The receiving end reacts out of fear with an equal force of rejection and communication is broken…
When I am afraid of rejection I act in a manner to reject what I am afraid of being rejected by.  This manner or reaction to my fear will always lead to  rejection of or by something and/or someone.  
We were not given the spirit of fear but of power, love, and a sound mind.  If I humbly offer myself to God and unreservedly give up my will into His hands I don’t ever have to suffer that fear.  When I ruthlessly face my sin and allow God the doer to work through me I never have to entertain the spirit of fear.  I never have to reject or feel rejected.
Humility ONLY comes through humiliation.
A sober mind has nothing to do with drugs or alcohol.  Sobriety is about a spiritual place of wellness.  The only way to a healthy God consciousness is through humility.  Trust in God, forgiveness, helping others.  These alone are steps to a sober mind and way of living.  It’s the only way to happiness.  Drinking and drugging have nothing to do with it except that these are symptoms of a sick person.  Everyone suffers from spiritual sickness, some more than others.  Pity those who will never have to face theirs in this life and don’t think those who show no signs are an exception.  No one is perfect and made whole in this life but through God we can work with others and learn to give of ourselves.  Humans working in the field as spiritual medics.  You can’t stand up unless you get knocked off your feet.
It’s now or never.

This post was last modified on July 10, 2013 - learn more.

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